So last night I was struggling through following the call I feel is on my life. I have experienced times of tears and counting the cost before when I felt like God was asking me to follow Him a little deeper. Last night and again this morning I have been crying through some of the grieving part of following Him. There are things in this natural part of life that I will miss and it hurts.
There is a real part of my flesh that does not want to leave. As a mom, I want to be close to my sons and their beautiful wives. As a grandma I want to hold and love on my grand kids. I want to take them to the park (they all love it so much when we do that), see their Christmas plays and go to their school functions. I want to be there when Evan is born and hold him, love on him and bless him.
I love my apartment - God picked it out just for me and He has met me here so many times. It is my special place to just hang out with Him. I will miss my co-workers, we have become very close friends. When we were talking about it yesterday one of the sweet young girls and I began to cry. They are excited for me and know that God is going to use me there, but we will miss each other.
Some of my friends have expressed a variety of emotions. One friend in particular says, "I am so excited for you because I know you are stepping into what God created you to do, but I am soooo in denial that you are leaving." On one had it seems like a long time away, on the other hand it feels like tomorrow!
I will miss the friends I have made at MSSU. I know that God sent me to Southern and there are precious men and women there who love God and do a fantastic job. He used them to encourage me, to point me in the right direction and to open doors of opportunity that I would not have even known about unless these precious people had called me or personally told me about it. I have seen His hand move on my behalf time and time again.
It is natural to grieve loss and I know that I will move in and out of this over the next three months. It does not mean that I am questioning the next step. I know that DR Congo is the next step and I believe that the doors that will open once I step into the water will be amazing. I also believe that I need to allow God's grace to walk me through this process into a healthy place.
I received a promise from God years ago that I would be like Abraham. He was called out away from his family and his homeland to a place that he did not know. God told him he would know it when he saw it, but did not even know the name of the place. He was not really able to tell people where he was going or what he was going to do, but he just knew that God had called him. Since his family did not know God, they all thought he was nuts. I know that sometimes it is hard to understand, but I know His voice and I am committed to follow Him to the best of my ability. Having said that, as I have read the Bible it was hard for anyone who really followed God. Many times they had to do things that other people did not understand and tried to talk them out of doing. I pray that someday my kids and grand kids will understand. I am thankful that today there is skype and fb where we can talk to each other and see each other.
Never forget that God has promised to restore what we give up and the blessings beyond our cross are worth it! Jesus looked at the joy set before Him so that He could go to the cross. I believe that we also need to keep the promise that God has given us to before us so that we can face whatever difficulty is in front of us too.
I want to encourage you today that whatever you are walking through, God has already gone before you and prepared everything that you need. It does not mean that it will always be easy, there may be tears and you may feel loss. But as we continue to work through the process there will be joy in the morning. God will finish what He has begun in us and it will be worth it!!!
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