My Heart Is Yours

Today is July 21st and we would have celebrated 36 years of marriage.  In the last four years I have learned so much, cried buckets of tears, experienced things I would never have dreamed of, found my purpose and discovered how dependent on my Dad I really am.

It is hard to explain all the emotions that you journey through in this kind of loss.  It is easy to become a victim, to blame others and to become bitter - but there is no hope or future in that.  God promised that He would take care of me, that He would love me even if no one else did and He would provide for me.  It has been quite a journey, learning, stretching and overcoming.  Through it all He has been so faithful, even when I have fallen way short, blown it big time or just made a mess!  He has let me reap the consequences of my own actions and helped me see the broken places in my heart and emotions so that I can grow and be healed.  He has never once condemned me, rejected me or withheld His love from me.  

He has promised that even if my father and mother would forsake me that He never would.  I learned that was true on levels that I had never experienced before.  I have seen the hurt and understand first hand how very hard divorce is on everyone involved.  People that were friends when you were a couple are uncomfortable, they may not know what to say or they many not want to be put in a position where they feel that they have to choose sides. You children suffer the heartbreak of watching their parents and many times being caught in the middle.   So many times you not only loose your spouse, you loose friends, your church family and sometimes even extended family members.  

I had to remember that God created me and He does not make mistakes.  I can agree with Him that e is not mad at me, not disappointed in me or will not withdraw His provision or love from me if I don't preform.  I had to be still and know that He is God on a deeper level than I had experienced before.  I had to learn to agree with what He says about me over what anyone else thought or said about me.  I did not realize how those words had affected me until I was out from under them.  Through it all I learned that I can't change what people do or do not think about me, BUT I can change what I think about myself.  I can agree with my Dad that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I can agree with Him that He has a hope and future for me and anyone else who will believe Him.

Today, my life is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I have real peace on the inside, I have such a hope and expectation for the future that He has designed for me.  My prayer is that if you have been through a divorce that you will be still and know that He is God.  That you will begin to agree with Him concerning what He has to say about you.  That you will have a deeper understanding that He is a good Dad and that He loves you more than you can possibly imagine!

My Heart Is Yours - Kristian Stanfill

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC1MgLr2LqE

Big Life Changes Can Be Scary. But......

I haven't posted in a few days and even now I am not sure what to say other than I am not the same person this weekend that I was last weekend.  It all began on June 1st  when a friend sent me a gift and a scripture that she was believing for both of us!  It is amazing what can happen in just 24 hours that can completely change your life.  I can't share a lot of details yet but suffice to say that something that has been prophesied over me, prayed over me and I have been expecting for years is in the beginning to develop. 

This week the Lord and I have had many conversations in a completely new area of my life and while some things seem to be getting worse (if you just look at them in the natural) others are absolutely amazing.  In many ways this week I have felt like the church that was praying for Peter to be released from prison.  The had fervently prayed and believed, but then when he was released and knocking at the door.  They would not believe it was him and left him standing at the door! I realized that sometimes when we have been really hurt or disappointed,  it is easier to believe in someday rather than go through the painful process of birthing something now.  I believe God has perfect timing and just like a baby being born there are labor pains to indicate that it is time, but then we need to cooperate in order to receive the blessing. 

I have also come to the realization through my own experience this week that sometimes when we are believing for something that God has promised us and it has been a long time; that believing becomes the new "normal" -  for us the reality of it is somewhere off in the future.  In some ways we feel good about it because we can say "I am believing" - but what happens when it is actually knocking at your door?

I have sought the Lord diligently over the past week, I have confessed my fears in this area and He is healing my heart in new and amazing ways.   There is still some very tender areas in my heart and I am very aware of  my desire to protect myself, but that would again  be closing the door. It is not easy and there are some labor pains, but it will be worth it!

I am thankful that He continues to heal me and get me ready for the next chapter in my life. If you are believing for something the Lord has promised you, don't give up because He is faithful.  On the other hand, don't get so comfortable "waiting" on the Lord that you never give birth to the promises you are carrying. Change can be scary, but determine to push through and live the life God has promised you -  a life with no regrets!