Bittersweet

I am sitting here tonight with mixed emotions.   The first three pieces of sold furniture were picked up today.  Shelves are bare as I have boxed their contents and cleaned them in order for their new owner to pick them up.  Boxes are stacked in the corner with labels on them to make it easier to unpack in January.  Today it suddenly seems real - I'm really leaving.   It seems like this has been so much a part of my life in the past four years that you would think that I would be use to it by now.

But each time I am torn between leaving that which has become familiar, a schedule that has now become routine and new friends that feel like I have know them for a long time; and the call back to the States with my family and friends that I love so dearly.  How can you miss both places so much?  I have talked with other missionaries here who have said that when they are in their mission country they think about the States and in the States they think about the country that God has brought them to.

Welcome to the life of someone who is called "missionary".  We struggle with leaving behind all that we love and hold dear to embrace that which God has put in our heart with equal love and passion.  It is never easy, but I am thankful there is grace.  Sometimes I feel completely torn between the two - wanting desperately to be there for birthdays, holidays, the 1st day of school and just to share simple things like reading a book or playing a game with my grand kids.  At the same time eagerly awaiting the promise of what God has put in my heart for Albertville and the precious people here, like eagerly awaiting the birth of a child.

The difference this time is when I return to Albertville I will not be starting over.  I have made some wonderful friends here and I already know my way around town.  I have people praying for me here as well as in the States and I am truly blessed.  I have a full load at MSSU so I will be studying a lot while I am in the States.  How wonderful it will be when I can just concentrate on learning French and making connections - the real reason I am here in France as I continue to prepare for DRC.  How I am looking forward to that day - no more classes or homework!

But until then, I will continue to study,  pack up the apartment here  and begin to set my focus on transitioning to life in the States.  I will soon be saying "hello" to my American family and friends while saying "see you later" to my French friends.  I have learned so much on this journey and I know that I am a stronger person because of it.  I have been stretched to the point that I thought I would break only to find out that I could stretch even farther. So as I continue through this bittersweet time, I will savor the French food, the beautiful flowers, my river that flows past my apartment and most of all the quiet times that I have with my Dad.  I know that  part of my heart will always be in France.